it just feels better if i write about it and get it out

i got in a fight with my friend kristen last night and i felt so horrible for yelling at her that i couldnt sleep. its just that i am only 16 amd im going through so much right now that i dont know what to do, feel, think, say, or who to blame but myself. recently toni got into a car wreck and shes paralyzed and people keep saying well at least your lucky shes still alive. yes, but thats not my point. me and the people who are really close to toni have to watch her go through rehab, lift her up when shes down, and to watch her from being so full of life and always running around to being in a wheel chair for the rest of her life. i know that were gonna get through this but right now its such a hard task to take on because toni has been my best friend since seventh grade. Also recently my grandpa died. its really tough to go from seeing my grandpa everyday to never seeing him again. he was always there for me, made me laugh when i was having a bad day, we always did fun stuff together and i miss him so much. i wish i could have taken his place but i have to trust god and remember that everything happens for a reason. just like my mom having cancer its hard to sit here and watch her suffer and i wish i could take her pain but i cant. all i can do is be here for her. i know im going to get through all this but its definatlely going to be a long hard journey.